Fun Stuff

So, while we have been busy as heck with end-of-school-year stuff.....the school year which isn't entirely over for us that is....... we have done some fun stuff too.  Enough fun stuff that I have a few posts worth of pictures to share with you. 

And everybody says,"YAY!" 

Last week....or was it the week before?  I think I've really lost it, y'all....Anyway......once upon a time, Claire had a doctor's appointment in Columbia.  No, that wasn't the fun part.  But, we did make a family event out of it.  We all piled into that monstrosity of a van we have now and headed on down the road.  The appointment went well and I'm happy to say we us a new orthopedist.  Thank you, God! 

We Love Dr. Dobbs out in St. Louis.  But, he's....well, in ST. LOUIS.  And we are here.  In SC.  You do the math. I can barely get her there once a year for her follow-up and even then we have to call it our vacation! 

A doctor here?  Oh no, that would be way to simple.  Actually, we were seeing a doctor here.   It's hard to believe, but there are only four pediatric orthopedists in our area and they all work in the same practice.    We were seeing the one associated with the spina bifida clinic.  Unfortunately, our doctor made a recommendation for surgery and even after we received a second opinion that contradicted her, she insisted that Claire needed a surgery that could have dramatically changed her life.....and not for the better.  So we went searching for a new doctor. 

The newest member of Claire's medical team did not recommend surgery and even said, almost verbatim, what Dr. Dobbs (our second opinion) said last year- She does not have normal hips, but making her hips normal through surgery is not a good idea.  He's been there, done that, and it doesn't work.  THANK YOU! 

What was so fun about that?  Well, nothing really.  Except Claire did not cry at this appointment.  That was a first for an appointment that involved x-rays.  She did great! 

And afterwards, Paul's sweet Aunt Lainie let us have a picnic at her house and then she and his cousin Jenny gave us their guest passes for the zoo.  That was the fun part!  So it wasn't all business and no play.

The boys climbed the wall. 

Which is better than driving me up a wall!

I know.

I am hilarious!

Isabel loved the lorikeets!

And, they loved her too!

Noah got peed on, but Parker enjoyed them. 

 Such is life isn't it?  Someone always gets peed on. 

I went on vacation with my family once and a llama spit in my sister's face. 

She was not amused.

Neither was Noah.

He was however, thankful that his dad wore two shirts that day!

Isabel has a love of animal statues.

Since she was little she loved to pose with them.

She's trying to get Claire to love it too, but honestly, Claire just wanted to climb it. 

This is the only kind of animal that Claire isn't terrified of. 

Hey, look boys!  I found your long lost triplet...

Just kidding! 

You know we don't believe in Evolution.

And Isabel again with the statues.

I didn't take as many pictures as I should, but then, I was enjoying having a day with everyone. We saw lots of animals.  Claire did not get close to any.  Isabel sat on all statues and posed for pictures.  And Noah didn't get peed on anymore! 

Also, the kids found two bricks, out of thousands, donated by someone in our family.  Uncle Bill and Aunt Lainie's brick was on the bridge we crossed to get from the botanical gardens to the zoo. Parker spotted it right after someone said that we'd never find it because there were too many to go through, and we found the brick dedicated to Paul's cousin, Christian.

Christian died of cancer many years ago.  He was very young, about 19 or 20 I think.  My boys were just toddlers.  I didn't know him well, but I know the boys would have loved hanging around him.  He was a very cool kid.  We watched him skim board we went to the beach in Florida to see him and his parents, Aunt Fran and Uncle David. 

So we took a moment to think of Christian.

And to be thankful for the health of our children.

Never take that for granted.

Advocate

Since the day when we announced that we were not going to be able to be this little guy's family, we have continued to pray for him and his true family.  The family that is out there waiting to find him.  We have also learned that he was put back on the shared list.  This is good and bad.  Good because that means that any agency dealing with China adoptions can lock him for a family.  Bad for other reasons.  For example, though they added a page that has his hearing test results on it, they did not change his medical exam record.  His special need is still listed as CHD as far as I know.  So if a family is looking for a child with CHD, they may find Shan Yi and eventually see that he is also hearing impaired.  But, if a family is looking for hearing impaired, they won't find Shan Yi.  UNLESS.  Unless, people know about it.  So, that is my goal.  I am posting here and asking that other adoption bloggers that advocate for children post on their blogs about him.  We need a signing family to be able to find him among the 1600 files on the shared list!  That is not an easy feat, especially if you don't know how to look for him!  But, there is enough information in this blog post to find him. 

And.  And, I am calling on all my bloggy friends and readers to please pray for him.  He needs a home and a family and he needs them soon.  Please pray for his family to find him quickly!  It's that simple.  Post and pray.  We can get this boy a home! 

My Mother's Day

Was perfect!

Which meant breakfast in bed! 

A van loaded for church!

And the icing on the cake? 

A picnic at the beach, of course!

Children letting me take loads of pictures is nice too!

Thank you, guys!

It was a great day.

Better than great, really!

It was like being on vacation for a day.

I hope all you moms out there had a great day too!

My New Ride!

And all her family and friends laugh.....

because they knew this would happen one day!

My New Ride.

Delivered on my 16th Wedding Anniversary, no less!

So my question is this, since it's a 12 passenger van and there are only 7 of us when we are all together, does that mean I can adopt 5 more????

Part of the Story

It's strange how in the mere minutes of a short phone conversation so much can change.  You can be bumping up and down in your little red wagon and then, WHAM......one wheel's off and the axle's broken! 

I'm just going to come right out and say it because I am the kind of person that will rip the band-aid off, as opposed to the kind that gently works it off.  The child we thought was our son?  He is not. Or at least not in the way he was, and though we may help him get home, we are not bringing him home.  And, we are so very sad about that.

As providence would have it our agency arranged to do a camp for the adoptable kids at HIS orphanage. His orphanage, out of the hundreds of other orphanages.   What they did not expect was to get to see our son.  Of course, I begged them to try, because what Mom wouldn't? But, since he was already matched it would be most unusual for him to be around and available during the camp.  But, they asked anyway....just in case.  And were excited to see him as his ayi brought him in the room.  But, the excitement quickly turned to concern, as our agency director realized that that sweet boy, the child we thought was our son,  is deaf. 

Deaf. 

Let that word hang there for a few minutes.  Just as it did when I heard it come out of Diana's mouth....  Chelsea....he's deaf. 

Surely there is some mistake, right?   How could this happen? How did we miss this?   There is NOTHING in his paperwork to indicate this. 

But, it was not a mistake and his paperwork?  Well, once we got to the bottom of that story, the gist is that an update with the condition of his hearing never made it to his file....

I realize that many of you are probably about to judge us because you are just now realizing that I have  admitted that we are not going to adopt him.  Because he is deaf.  I'm sure some of you are appalled that we would turn our backs on this boy who has a great need for a family. 

My first inclination was to say, so what!  So our boy can't hear.  We will be just fine. 

But then you start to think about the overwhelming prospect of trying to learn an entire language AND teach this new language to a child as his only what of communication AND bond with this child at the same time.  A child you have just removed from EVERYTHING he knows and loves.  A child you have just taken from the only family he's ever known.  And, your other children?  They have to learn this new language too. Right. now.  And use it all the time so the newest member of the family doesn't feel any more isolated than he already does. 

And that is when you realize that everything is not going to be fine.

All of these thoughts and more came to me in rush during that one phone conversation.  And then numb from that call, I had to make the next call.  To the husband. 

We have spent over two weeks reliving that phone call.  Over two weeks researching our options.  Over two weeks talking to parents of deaf children, medical professionals, our social worker, our agency directors, our family and most importantly our God.  I'd love to say that I handled the whole situation with the grace of a prima ballerina.  That would be a big fat lie. 

But at the end of the day, one thing was glaringly apparent.  We are not this child's family.  We were never supposed to be.  God's plan unfolded before our very eyes this week and revealed to us what we could not have seen before.   We are part of this child's story, a chapter perhaps.  But, that is all.

God clearly wanted the world to know that this child is deaf.  And He used both us and our agency to achieve this.  He lead us to look for a boy with a minor heart defect, and He saved this child and lead us to this child that was sitting for many months on the shared list, because He knew that Madison, our agency, would be working in his orphanage.  Madison would have the only opportunity to discover that this boy is deaf.  And, because his file was already on the shared list he would not be present at a camp for children whose files will be given exclusively to Madison.  Which means he would only be seen if he had been matched with a family by Madison. Us. Because Madison would request to see him for us. Complicated stuff.  But, not for our Father. 

And at first I wanted to say that clearly God wanted us to adopt this deaf boy.  That He lead us to him because wanted us to commit to a child that, truth be known, we would not have reached out to if we'd known  he is deaf. A child our agency has admitted they would not have locked for us if they had known he is deaf. 

So why aren't we proceeding with his adoption?  Trust me, it is with a heavy heart that we admit that we can't.   But, being part of special needs adoption means knowing when you can help a child, and when you probably won't.  And this is one of those times.  At least for our family.  Is it just our fear talking?  We have prayed about this a lot, and we don't think so.  We feel that God has lead this adoption thus far, and we are going to leave him in the driver's seat.  He has given us a peace about this decision and though that does not mean we are happy about it, well, it isn't about us.  It's about a child that needs HIS family. 

Oh, but what if I had a deaf biological child?  Would I turn my back on him?  No.  But there are some fundamental differences here.  With a biological child there is infant bonding that occurs.  This is missing in the life of a child adopted at 3 years.  This 3 year old boy has no bond with us.  With a biological child there is a learning curve.  That child would slowly learn sign language and possibly lip reading right along with us.  This 3 year old child is raring to go and will likely leave us in the dust becoming more and more frustrated with us as we struggle to catch up to him so we can communicate.  Am I saying that it couldn't be done?  No.  I'm sure some families have done it already.  But, I have to believe that there is a better family out there for this child.  A family in which one parent or some siblings are deaf and the family is already signing.  A family where this child will not feel any more isolated than he already does.

And, we are not turning our backs on that precious child.  In a way, we will always think of him as "ours" on some level.  We are dedicated to advocating for him and praying for him for as long as it takes for him to find HIS family.  And so is Madison Adoption Associates. 

I read a blog post last year by one of my favorite bloggers, Karen of Always In My Heart, where she admits that they were just part of the story for one of their adopted children.  In her post, The Next Chapter, she explains how they had to let her go, because that was the best they could do for her.  Of course, that is another story and ours is obviously very different, but what I can relate to right now is being part of a child's story.  A middle part.  In our case, a minor part and not a staring role.

Are we still going to adopt?  Yes.  Why wouldn't we?  When we first applied to adopt in 2006 a devoted adoptive mom said to me, "adoption is not for the faint of heart!"  That is so true.  And faint of heart is not a term anyone has ever used to describe me.  Or Paul for that matter.  Oh,yes.  We still have a son in China.