Doing school at Meme and Papa's houseI'm still at my mother's and posting to the blog is not a priority, but right now both my parents and Claire are napping and the kids are still doing their school work so I have a minute. My mother sleeps most of the day....though she did feel well enough to follow her Tiger (Woods that is) at his tournament this afternoon. At least for a little while! Her obsession is beyond me, but it transcends the pain of two broken vertebrae!
Anyway. Claire has been out of sorts since we got here. She asks everyday if we are going home. This is the first time she has acted like that, and I don't know if her problem is seeing my mother, in her nightgown all day laying on the couch, or if it's just a new twist in her personality. She is, after all, 3! BOY is she 3! Yesterday, she accidentally knocked a cup to the floor. I asked her to pick it up and put it on the table. Claire does. not. take. correction. So she burst into tears. I remained calm. A few minutes later, she was in time-out because she refused to do what she was asked. After her short stint in time-out I took her back to the scene of the accident and again asked her to pick up the cup. This is the time at which she choose to focus on her latest obsession......"why?".
Me: "Pick up the cup, Claire"
Claire: "Why?" (crying)
Me: "Because you knocked it over and you need to pick it up now."
Claire: "Why?" (still crying)
Me: "Because I said so." (yes, I know what you are thinking)
Claire: "Why?" (screaming and crying as if I have mortally wounded her)
Great. This is not going so well. Ten minutes later she has the cup in her hands (only because I walked her over to it and put her hands on it), but she refuses to put it on the table. She stood at the table, holding the cup....resting her hand ON the table, but refusing to set the cup on it.....FOR 30 MINUTES Y'ALL.
It was school time so the other kids and I were at the table. If I told her to put the cup on the table, she burst into tears and cried out "why?". If I so much as glanced her way, she burst into tears. When we finished school I told her I was going to make dinner and she could put the cup on the table when she wanted and then come tell me. I walked away. THEN she decided to put the cup on the table. The other kids were still there and they started whoopin' and hollerin' for her....but that just upset her again. I scooped her up and thanked her for obeying. CAN YOU SAY STUBBORN??????
Okay, this is a first for me. I've had spirited kids. Noah electrocuted himself before he was 18 months old! Need I say more? But, I've never had a toddler as stubborn as Claire is shooting for! The biggest problem....besides the fact that she is too darned cute.....is that she is too darned cute. Ummmm.......help!
10 comments:
The Tongginator is more than spirited - she is oppositionally defiant. I would say the difference between the two is that a strong-willed child does not like to be thwarted, but an oppositional child seeks to thwart. Does that make sense? It's tough, I know!!! I found an if-then chart really helped us.
Claire and Kate have so very much in common!! We had a stubborn stand off in our kitchen last summer . . . she stood for 30 mins with a plate that we had asked her to put on the counter!! We have so been there! It's gotten loads better, but like Claire there are times when she does not take too kindly to correction/direction. WHY??
Wow, I hope God gives me patience when I have kids. I can already give up all hope of asking for an obediant child. In this family, there's no such thing as an UN-strong-willed child. It just doesn't happen. And I have a short fuse for other strong-willed people. :)
Hee hee!
Uh, exscuse me! She hasn't looked you in the eyes and done what you said not to or while in time-out beaten her legs black and blue on the back of the chair she's sitting in! She has not dethroned me yet!
According to this adoption related class I took, Claire is in a bid for power that became a power struggle. After this class I learned several things about dealing with Acer.
First, no banter, no back or forth 'no' or 'why'ing. That either raises her to your level or brings your down to hers. What we find works is tells once, he responds, and we answer, not not words but in motion. This gets him used to listening to us first time and we retain the authority figure position.
Acer is also oppositionally defiant and giving him if then choices helps him a lot too.
she & casey are just alike!!LOL
All I can say is that you're handling it very well. Just keep holding your ground. It definitely doesn't help when they're incredibly cute.
I was given some wonderful advice once wehre Darling Daughter was concerned. Don't try to squash their strong will. Just make sure they learn to obey. If you can help a child channel that strong will and stubborness toward GOOD things, there's no stopping them when they make their minds up to do something. And so far, it's been true. Her older brother's high school grades have been blown away just because she couldn't have him do anything BETTER than her.
My turn to chime in...I can soooooooooo see Ellie in that room, refusing to put her cup away.
Tonight, we had a similare situation trying to get her to change her pull-up. I'm trying to teach her independence, and she can change her own pull up, while she sits on the potty, in case her bladder leaks.
But, the new thrill is gone, and she just doesn't want to change it herself. So, tonight, she spent 30 minutes cryinc as she pretended taking off her own pants, shoes, socks, braces, all were just too difficult for her.
Mind you, I regularly find her completely undressed and in a Princess gown....it's never a difficult task them.
What ever will we do? ;)
Robbie
Ahhh, Chelsea. I feel your pain. I have a 5 year old who has been um. . . well, there arejust no words to describe him and still sound positive. I love the boy madly, deeply and ferociously. Sorry, those words started to sound angry and bitter. lol He has been to the ER once every year of his life. He is strong willed, mildly autistic(though undiagnosed) and so unpredictable. He is the work of 4 kids in one. I found a book 1-2-3 magic discipline that has helped us tremendously. It takes the effort level for mom down. It only involves time out, and NO talking. It works good and took a few days to get consistency. He would not stay in time out initially. I had to hold both arms and stand in front of him. SAYING nothing, andI did not start his time until he was quiet. It enfuriated him, but I realized I was strangely calm, and it worked(o and pray not for patience but physical strength and grace!! lol) You are not alone sister, hang in there and love the child, but drats, show her you mean business. I also have to reember to gush when things go really well. Sometimes it is easy to just think ahh a peaceful moment. But I hae to actually somewhat disrupt the peace to say, I am so proud of how you are____. Keep her close.btw, the change of location and her gramma being "sick" it all can upset their world so much and it comes out like that, but can just mean,"do you still love me?" I have to remind myself that too. love you, I am praying for you
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